Why I Am No Longer Dating Even Though I Want Marriage

Our apartment has a pool that I take my kids to most days of the week. Occasionally, other parents are there with their kids as well, and I've met different people during these visits. One day, I met a man around my age who was there with his two kids. He made a joke, saying, "Didn’t they tell you it’s $5 to get in here?" I laughed, but I instantly knew he was probably interested in me, and I instantly knew that he was not the one for me. Not because of the joke, but because something about his spirit made me feel he wasn’t for me. He seemed worldly, and I could sense this in an instant despite his presentable appearance and good manners. He started a conversation and asked for my number, and though I hesitated, I gave it to him out of politeness since our kids were playing together and we were neighbors. On another occasion, a mom and I exchanged numbers as we talked while our kids played at the pool, so I thought, “what could the harm be with me exchanging numbers with him?”

After returning to my apartment, I felt convicted about giving him my number. I've recently been praying and trusting God for a husband who loves God and puts Him first, someone I'm attracted to mentally, physically, and spiritually. I believe God has that man for me, and by giving my number to this man, I felt I was being unfaithful to my future husband and not trusting God.

The man texted me right away and asked me questions to get to know me. During our conversation, he asked if I drank or smoked. This confirmed to me that he wasn't the right man, as he seemed interested in a worldly lifestyle that I don't align with anymore. I immediately told him that I do not drink, smoke or have sex before marriage and when he tried to persuade my rationality, I quickly blocked him and from that moment on, I decided not to entertain any man who isn't my future husband.

I've been confused by teachings from women on YouTube, like Universe Guru, who suggest keeping options open until a man proposes. They advise against committing to boyfriends and recommend dating multiple men to find the one who will propose. This mindset, although practical in the secular world, reflects a lack of faith. As a daughter of God, I believe it takes spiritual maturity to recognize my God-ordained spouse by his fruits, as he will recognize me by mine. A man ready for marriage will set boundaries and seek to please God, avoiding behaviors like drinking excessively, sex before marriage, or even partying with worldly friends.

God has refined me, freeing me from alcohol and new age spirituality, and teaching me what it means to be a supportive wife. I believe He will do the same for my future husband. I won't have to settle for a worldly man or a lukewarm Christian. I can discern a person's spirit almost immediately. I've met men with rough pasts who now exude God's spirit, and others who look great on the outside but lack it. I'm drawn to men with the spirit of God more than physical appearance.

I used to keep my options open because I doubted the men I dated were the right ones. But now, as a daughter of God, I believe He will send me a man after His own heart. The Bible says if we ask anything according to His will, we have what we asked of Him (1 John 5:14-15). It also says God does not withhold any good gift from us (Psalm 84:11). When I meet my future husband, I will recognize his spirit and be attracted to him. Others may not understand, but I need to be attracted to both his spirit and masculinity. I've encountered Christian men who were too feminine and worldly men who lacked a relationship with God.

The man for me will be someone whose spirit and masculinity make me physically attracted to him, and God knows what I want even better than I do. Having been through a divorce, I now know what I want and trust God to give me good gifts (James 1:17). I believe I will be attracted to my future husband in every way, and God will guide me in the process. For now, I am content in my waiting, knowing God is refining me and preparing me for the man He has for me. I have peace and contentment in this season and am excited to wait for God's best, allowing Him to continue working on me and making me a better woman.