ABOUT

From the moment I came into the world, I had a naive and optimistic soul that led me to make very emotional and impulsive decisions, impacting my life in irreversible ways. I have always been a Christian and truly had a relationship with Christ; however, I did not obey His Word and lived a life much like, or even more foolish than, the average worldly woman. As a lukewarm Christian, my decisions were a mix of worldly and Christian ways, resulting in some very confusing choices in my life.

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As a teenager in college, fluctuating through immaturity, emotional hormones, and naivety, I decided I wanted to have a baby. I believed a baby would solve my feelings of incompleteness and depression. Shortly after, I met my son's father and gave birth at 21 years old. For a while, I was right—having my son alleviated my depression, and the love I had for him made me feel complete. However, as time progressed, the relationship with his father did not work out, and a new desire emerged in my heart to be married.

 

After graduating college with my bachelor’s degree, I struggled to find a job. I had assumed a degree would guarantee employment, but I was wrong. Moreover, I realized I wanted marriage and more children more than anything else. I prayed and asked God to send me a husband, and shortly after graduation, I met my future husband (now ex-husband), and we married immediately. We had two more children and faced many struggles in our marriage. Both my husband and I had unresolved issues; he was emotionally abusive, and I was controlling and stubborn. A few years into our marriage, I discovered he had cheated on me, and I filed for divorce.

 

At this time, I was a 27-year-old single mother of three children, working a stable job. How did I end up here, a single mom of three? At that point, I didn't want to be in a relationship again. But as time progressed, I found myself desiring marriage once more.

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But my life took a significant turn at 27 years old. Not only did I go through a very stressful divorce, but I also began to discover so much about myself that I had never known. God led me through various trials to refine my character. He addressed my pride, removed alcohol from my life completely, made me less critical and more understanding, eliminated any traces of new age spirituality, and showed me what it truly means to be a beautiful woman. He did this by taking me through many painful trials, which ultimately caused me to grow.

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God took me through a process of killing my flesh. I had several dreams where God showed me that I needed to die to my flesh, and in each dream, I resisted. God even revealed a Bible verse to me in a dream: "Those who try to save their life will lose it, but those who lose their life for me will save it." During this period of refinement, God also showed me another verse: "I am refining you, but not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction for my own sake."

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I learned that sometimes we repeat experiences until we finally grasp the lesson God is trying to teach us. Once we stop blaming others and look at our own actions, we realize that even when others do something wrong, it brings out the areas within ourselves that need improvement.

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And what is the result now? Well, God is still refining me, but I haven't experienced this much peace in a while. I actually rejoice in my suffering because it has led to a new character and a deeper relationship with Jesus, which is phenomenal. I now pay close attention to the lessons God may be trying to teach me to avoid repeat experiences. Just today, I was thanking God for allowing me to be in this place where He has mended my broken heart, removed alcohol from my life, eliminated any traces of new age spirituality, including signs and astrology, and made me into a more beautiful woman overall. This blog is to share the lessons I learn along the way. God bless you <3